Self Care that Moves the Needle

Oh, Jan'ry...

'Tis the season when the internet starts telling you a NEW you is on the horizon. The advice on how to get there is endless. Take a spa day! Drink more water! Get a pedicure! Buy a planner! And all of that is fine. Trust me...my new year planner-buying search is often epic.

But none of them change the reason we’re burnt out in the first place. None of those (very lovely) options builds nervous system resilience, regulates chronic tension and pain, or shifts the patterns that are running our lives.

They’re pleasant escapes, not meaningful self-care and preservation.

And what I’ve noticed (because I see it every week in my classes) is that people aren't aware of the true intention behind meaningful self-care and the impact it could have on their lives. They only know the version that gives a temporary break from the chaos of the world… not the version that changes their capacity to be able to manage themselves and the world better.

So I thought I’d spend some time this month teaching what real, nervous-system-based self-care actually is ... and why it’s so much harder to choose than the escapism.

What do I mean by that?

Well, it’s a more automatic choice for most of us to watch a show than it is to lie down on the floor and tremor for, like, 20 minutes at the end of a day. And it has nothing to do with laziness, busy-ness, or needing a break, and far more to do with patterning and conditioned beliefs.

Meaningful self-care isn’t hard because the practices are difficult, or they take a long time, or they don't feel incredible. It's hard because so many of us have learned to cope by disconnecting. And reconnection can feel like work.

If you start to recognize the reason behind the avoidance, you'll start to understand things like why it's so hard for you to do the things you know are good for you. Why it’s so much easier to tune out than it is to tune in. For example, why does watching “just one more episode” feel effortless, while lying down to meditate, move, or even breathe intentionally can feel… heavy? Avoidable? Annoyingly hard?

It isn’t a lack of motivation, an issue with time, or just because you're lazy.

 It’s a nervous system pattern.

Tuning out feels easier because it’s predictable and all your systems are already set up for that activity, both inward and out. Your nervous system knows what to expect. You have all your favorite streaming networks at your fingertips. You know you've earned the opportunity to disconnect after the day you've had.

First off, the act of changing a pattern is going to take more energy, so be gentle with yourself as you put new patterns in place. Understand that shifting one thing could create unexpected outcomes, and there might be more to address than initially expected. Address them as they arise.

But another thing to consider is that tuning in does ask for more from you than simply following the plot in your favorite crime drama - even in some of the most complex storylines. There is a demand to feel what's happening in your body. It asks you to notice. To sense what’s there.

And if your system has spent years bracing... through stress, responsibility, parenting, work, uncertainty... that kind of attention can feel unfamiliar or even unsafe. Not consciously unsafe. Just... uncomfortable enough to avoid.

And when you let that tension go during your self care practices, what's on the other side is not always predictable. 

This is why so many well-intentioned New Year’s resolutions fall apart so quickly:  because our systems are wired for what we have already always been doing, not for something new, especially when that new thing is presence.\

So when you sit down to meditate and feel restless, when you tell yourself you’ll do your movement video later, when scrolling mysteriously eats your entire morning…

Nothing has gone wrong.

Your body is doing exactly what it learned to do to get through demanding days.

Understanding this matters, because once you stop shaming yourself, you can start working with your systems (inward and out) instead of against them. And that’s where self-care begins.

When you notice yourself choosing distraction this week, ask yourself, “What might my nervous system be protecting me from right now?” Then take just 30 seconds to notice your breath, your tension, your thoughts.

 This action will change the conversation. From there, you may feel you have other options.